I read an article on emotional strength yesterday that is one of those pieces of writing that packs a punch of truth and begs the reader to question just how emotionally strong they are.
For me, it showed all the 'working out' I have done over the years, especially in this last year, has made me a lean mean emotionally strong machine!!
Having powerful, well defined, emotional strength brings a myriad of benefits that taught me how to put myself first without being selfish.
I can't say that I've always been emotionally strong, I have had challenges in my life (like every other human on the planet) that showed up gaping holes of emotional weakness, but I have always had the strength of character to know that deep down I had it in me to do whatever it takes to live my best life, face myself and to strengthen those weak emotional muscles.
Below is a list of '15 things Emotionally Strong People Don't Do' taken from the aforementioned punch packing article. I'm going to relate each point to myself and think it's a great point of reference for anyone to check the state of their emotional wellbeing.
1. They Don’t Beg For Attention
Needing
attention is directly linked to emotion. Those who feel the need for
recognition only find themselves experiencing feelings of worth when others
make them feel needed; it’s as if these people are uncertain of their value, or
if they have any ounce of self-worth. Feeling unsure of your worth is a
self-fulfilling prophecy; if you don’t know you matter, then no one will ever
believe you do.
I've been there! I have in the past begged for attention: wanted life to be all about me, wanted others to make me feel good about myself. I gave others the power to decide whether I was happy or not. I allowed others to dictate facets of my personality e.g. that I was a 'scaredy cat'. How ridiculous! Today I know my own worth. I matter. I love that I matter and it makes me demand - in the softest terms of the word - to be respected, honoured and treated in a healthy manner on all levels.
2. They Don’t Allow Others To Bring Them Down
Emotional
strength requires resilience. This world is filled with haters and trolls.
There are jealous eyes lurking around every corner. The unfortunate truth is
that often the people who hold us back the most are those closest to us.
Getting rid of these people is often the best solution, but also the most
difficult. If you can quietly remove these people from your life, that’s one
fewer bridge burned and much less of an emotional trigger.
You know how you know when someone says something that is unacceptable to you? How your spirit reacts to words that fall out of other people's mouths under the guise of caring, or loving you, or trying to help you understand?? Yet while you are listening to these words, your BS radar is screaming like a siren?? My advice.. LISTEN to the screaming siren.
I've learned to trust my instincts. To honour myself and know immediately when I am being brought down by another. Previously I would have been distraught by those negative actions towards me but today I pity people that feel the need to behave that way, so I quietly remove those people from my life, or take myself out of the equation. I will not allow myself to be in the situation for the negative BS to continue. THAT feels GOOD!
3. They Don’t Hold Grudges
If
you’re holding a grudge, then you already care more about a situation than you
should. If a person apologizes genuinely, forgive him or her. If this person
doesn’t apologize, then don’t interact with him or her, but don’t hold grudges.
People with whom you seek to alienate and hold grudges against take up too much
of your mental energy, doing more harm than good.
Of course I have held grudges in my life. What a waste of emotional energy though. In Alcoholics Anonymous they have a saying: Resentment is the number 1 killer. Believe it folks, if you are sitting stewing over some unkind treatment of you then you are drinking poison hoping the perpetrator is going to die!!! Do yourself a favour and let that negativity go. The offender is not even thinking about what they've done so don't let your emotional muscles weaken because of someone else.
4. They Never Stop Doing Their Own Thing
Emotionally
strong individuals do what they do because they love doing it. They don’t plan
on slowing down or stopping for anyone who deems their happiness inappropriate.
I used to be such a people pleaser. As a young woman I thought that if I did what everyone else wanted then we would all be happy smiley people..... except Karen!! Don't die to yourself all the time. It's not good for your sense of self. Today I do what I want to do and if others don't like it.. TOUGH!!
5. They Never Stop Believing In Themselves
Those
who love themselves and understand themselves — those who aren’t afraid or
proud to be themselves — never doubt themselves. You amount to your own
self-worth, not a shilling more.
You know I used to have trouble with this believing in myself business. Other people's words like "you've failed", "you're no good at this" "you shouldn't do that" "you can't possibly want to do this" etc etc.. and my own self criticism kept me emotionally stuck in negativity.
Today I absolutely 100 percent believe in myself, even though to others it might seem I try and fail over and over again in certain areas of my life - my take on it is - I NEVER give up, I persevere, I am always teachable and willing to learn new ways to live my best life. GO Karen!!! :)
6. They Don’t Act Like Bitches Or Assh*les
People
are mean. But we wonder, why? Being a jerk is only good as an intimidation
factor, and if you’re trying to intimidate people, then you better be a
negotiator by profession; if you’re intimidating just for the sake of it,
you’re obviously overcompensating for a lack of confidence. Do you also drive a
very large automobile, perhaps? I hear they make pills for that.
Can honestly say I do not act like a B or an AH.
7. They Know Better Than To Let Just Anyone Into Their
Lives
The
emotionally strong are emotionally strong for a reason: They don’t expose
themselves to people who break down their defenses and crush their morale. Most
people in the world are lost and will be more than happy to take you along with
them. Don’t let an awful acquaintance ruin your happiness.
Being selective about your friends, lovers and even family is a skill well learned. If you allow toxic unhappy people to be around you all the time, then you are going to get more of the same in your life. If you have good, happy, honest, non judgemental people in your life, your life is going to be a great experience.
8. They Aren’t Afraid To Love
If
you’re afraid to love, you don’t have enough confidence in yourself. You
obviously think you can’t be in a lasting relationship, but only in one that is
doomed for disaster. You don’t want to get hurt again because getting hurt
really sucks. There is no reason for you to get your heart broken again because
you are awesome. If things don’t work out, it’s not you. It’s the two of you
together. Unless, of course, you are an awful human being; in that case, it is
you.
Thankfully, I am no longer afraid to love. Taking risks and being 'vulnerable' in love is all part of the roller coaster ride of relationships. Nothing in this world is perfect. Partners make mistakes and so do you, so either work through it, forgive and decide to carry on living a life of love or get your butt out of there and move on. Easier said than done I know, but I think that is the choice we have. Love or Leave.
9. They Don’t Lie In Bed Dreading The Day Ahead Of
Them
The
best part of your day should be the moment you wake up and realize you’re still
alive. We take life for granted too regularly.
I can't say I ever lie in bed dreading the day ahead. I always look forward to what the day will bring. Thank you!
10. They’re Not Afraid Of Slowing Down
Emotionally
strong people aren’t in need of constant action and excitement. They don’t need
to run around all day and keep moving in order to avoid their demons. They
appreciate a slow moment because it brings them closer to what it feels like to
do nothing but living, breathing. This is not to say that they don’t enjoy
excitement in their lives, but they aren’t junkies and are more than happy to
just go for a walk and smell the roses.
I LOVE my own company. I love that I don't have to be going to parties or out shopping or on the phone talking for hours or have a television on in the background all the time. I still enjoy all those things, however, my life will not end if they are not happening and I enjoy being my own friend.
11. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want To Do
We
all do things that we don’t love to do, but we should never do things that we
don’t want to do. The emotionally strong understand that and almost always
manage to figure out a way to focus on what they love, which allows them to
figure out what they need to do, in order to do what they love. Although they
may not love every second of it, they like doing what they are doing because
it’s bringing them one step closer to what they would love to do.
Ain't that the truth!! No more saying yes and meaning no, getting resentful towards the other person because you said yes when you meant no < Insanity right there.
12. They Have No Problem Saying “No”
If
you can’t say “no,” you will get abused. You’ll be considered a pushover and no
one will ever ask you for your opinion or take it seriously when you give it.
Saying “no” reminds people that they don’t have control over you.
Saying 'No' used to be difficult for me because I was such a people pleaser. I am happy to announce that I no longer have ANY problem saying 'No'. I will not allow myself to be manipulated into any situation I do not want to be a part of and while I am still a kindhearted person, I am no pushover.
13. They Don’t “Forget” To Give Back
We’re
not too busy or too poor to donate our money and/or time. We don’t forget,
either. Some people just choose to ignore our responsibilities as human beings.
The stronger you are emotionally, the more you come to appreciate others and
life itself. You give life more worth and you begin to empathize with those who
were dealt a bad hand.
Every single one of us has their particular way of giving back and I think that it is wise to remember that my way of giving back is not the same as yours. People get themselves in a pickle if they expect your ways of doing things to be just like theirs. Not happening folks. That's why some are philanthropists, some are social carers, some are foster parents .. I could keep going but I will stop. You get the picture.
14. They Don’t Feel The Need To Fit In
The
stronger you are emotionally, the more independent you become. You don’t feel
the need to fit in because you fit in where it matters: the world. People form
smaller social groups that are often skewed and unhealthy. Wanting to fit in
doesn’t say much more than “I’m afraid to be myself.”
This is the single most freeing feeling there is. To not feel the need to fit in. To not worry about what another thinks of you. To be totally happy in your own skin and like yourself, your beliefs and the way you live your life. Can I hear an "Amen"???
15. They Don’t Forget That Happiness Is A Decision
Most
importantly, the emotionally strong have learned to understand the power their
brains have over both the mind and body. They understand that emotions are
reactions, not reactions to direct physical causes, but to the way we perceive
those causes. In other words, our emotions don’t reflect reality; rather, our
emotions reflect the way we interpret reality. Understanding this gives us
near-full control of our emotions and, therefore, our lives.
Singularly of prime importance to me is the decision to be happy. I know my brain can ramble on about how hard this, that and the next thing is in my life and yes, there are hard things going on, but I choose my reaction and can change the direction of my thoughts with the snap of my fingers. This takes practice, mindfulness and living in the present moment. So, get present and be happy!!
Can you see the definition of your emotionally flexed muscles when you read through this checklist? Do yourself a favour and get working out if there are any areas of weakness, it will really enhance your sense of well-being.
