Friendship Rules...

Friendship is a seriously important part of one's life.  For us ladies, friends are our chosen family, our confidantes, our support, our fun and our feeling of belonging.  For many people whose families have broken down, friendship is the life saver that teaches them they are worthy and loveable.  

As with any relationship though, friendship takes work.  It takes a commitment to love and accept a person just as they are - warts and all, it takes loyalty and it takes realising that whilst you and your 'bestie' can share deeply on a myriad of subjects, there must always be boundaries. Boundaries that you set for yourself and boundaries that you understand you should not cross for the sake of your friendships.

I had a funny, slightly bittersweet conversation with one such friend the other day where we were pondering the friendship relationship and discussing when things go a bit skewiff, arguments happen, or offence is taken.  

One of the things we both agreed on was that we like the honesty factor that close friendships create.  In fact we rely on expressions of honesty.  My friend is an in your face honest person about herself and speaks her mind openly, yet she is never 'nasty' in her delivery. It is one of the things I dearly love about her.  

However, in my humble opinion, I believe that while there must always be honesty, there also has to be tact.  If there is no tact in what you say to your friends, there is the danger of coming across in an offensive, controlling manner. Your words should always be chosen carefully - after all you are dealing with another adult here, you cannot go around telling adults what to do with their lives under the premise it's because you care.

The most loving thing you can do is allow your friends to live their lives, make their mistakes and be there for them without judgement when they need to talk or share your opinion without forcing it upon them. 

Another no-no in friendship is the judgement factor.  Every single one of us has differing opinions, ways of living, belief systems, ideas, behaviour in certain situations and guess what... that is OKAY! I believe that true friends actually embrace those differences without judgement, enjoy them and maybe even learn a new way of being.  If you have friends that negatively judge you then they really are not true friends.  Acceptance all the way is how it is when you love someone.

Watch out for the friend who is really a 'wolf in sheep's clothing.'   A few years ago I had an experience where a new lady in town was welcomed into my group of friends and she systematically set about to destroy our long term friendships; going from one friend to the next, talking about this one and that, doing her level best to isolate one of my friends. I could see clearly what was happening and because of my loyalty to my friend, chose not to be involved with her any longer. 

Toxic people come from a place of their own pain and while that is unfortunate, you do not have to subject yourself to being around toxicity!

My Father always used to say that between friends you should never discuss money, politics or religion. While I agree in part,  friendship needs to have a level of comfort in sharing thoughts and feelings on any number of subjects - with boundaries in tact!

For friendships to thrive be loving, be loyal, be accepting, be honest, have FUN and most importantly - set boundaries; if you do you will have life-long flourishing friendships filled with joy, laughter and no doubt copious amounts of wine!  

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