I had no idea as a youngster that I had any control over my thinking. I believed my thoughts were just the product of the way I was born, like having brown hair or blue eyes. I did not realise I had the power of choice.
From a very early age I suffered from anxiety. So much so that at the age of 7 I was put on Valium!! I remember being given this medication at night time to help me sleep. Crazy I know, but I am guessing back in the sixties they really didn't delve much into child psychology or contemplate that a 7 year old could have an anxiety neurosis.
I had such a vivid imagination for all things terrifying. If someone was sick, then my mind and thoughts convinced me it was my turn next. I remember one time even thinking my throat would bleed because my friend had had his tonsils out and he'd haemorrhaged. Being so young I had no idea that a throat only bled if something major was going on and my mind said it was dangerous and could happen to me, so I believed it.
Looking back at the little girl I was, I can gently laugh at how my thought processes went. I feel a lot of love and protection for the little girl in me and wish I could have told her that the fear she lived with in her mind could be switched off just by choosing what to think or focus on. It would have saved years of torture, believe me.
Today I am in the process of learning how to hear my thoughts and how to change the negative to the positive.
It's as simple and as difficult as sitting quietly, breathing gently and deeply, focusing on my breath, imagining a stream of air flowing down into my diaphragm and back out again.
While I am mindfully breathing my mind jabbers such a load of rubbish. The incessant noise of my thoughts is constant simply because that is the function of the brain and the best way to quieten that noise is to let the thoughts pass in and out of my conscious mind without resistance. The surprising and unexpected outcome was seeing my thoughts disperse as quickly as they arrived in my conscious mind, leaving me without internal chatter for a few seconds. No internal chatter is a state of bliss with an overwhelming sense of connection, peace and fearlessness.
As time has moved on and I have practiced more and more of this type of meditation, I can now exercise my power of choice; I shut down the negative, fear inducing thoughts and replace them with positive, life enhancing thoughts. It's as easy as looking right to left.
Do yourself a huge favour, take some quiet time each day to hear your internal voice and if it is not enhancing your life, change the track that is playing in your brain. It's all about living a happy existence people, do whatever it takes to enjoy each moment of your life experience!
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