A Tribute to Friends

           It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. 

                 that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

The Girls and I on The Rhine 2012

How many friends do you have?  I mean REAL friends, the type that will 'stab you in the front' not 'stab you in the back'.  The type of friend you connect with on a level that has a depth of understanding that makes the relationship between you easy, with honesty, openness and total acceptance??  One who will be there for you when the going gets tough? The type of friend who can annoy you and vice versa, but even so you are still friends?

I have a beautiful group of friends.  All of them so different; the varied personalities and natures of my pals is an absolute delight to my soul and I love the different facets of friendship each one brings. 

The Birthday Girls 

In writing this little blog I am paying tribute to some of those lovely ladies who have brightened up my existence by adding a deeper dimension of love; bringing that feeling of 'sisterhood' which is so vitally important to the female of our species! I have listed a few of their most endearing attributes (of course they all have loads of endearing attributes, but I would need to write a chapter on each one if I was to list them all - and you'd get bored!!) 

Me and My Best Friend Catherine

Catherine - Accepting, Supportive, Honest, Loving

Joanna P- Spiritual, Honesty, Loving, Loyal, Caring

Donna G - Loads of laughs, Acceptance, Support, Caring 

Georgie H - Loads of laughs, Honesty, LOYAL, Loving, Accepting, Caring, Kindness

Elaine J - Kindness, Humour, Loyal, Loving, Supportive, Caring, Honesty

Angela C - Kindness, Humour, Loyal, Supportive, Caring, Honesty

Gaby F - Kindness, Supportive, Understanding, Loving

Margaret W - Spiritual, Kindness, Supportive

Amanda M - Kindness, Supportive, Caring, Spiritual

Rachel - Spiritual, Caring, Supportive, Loyal, Honest, Humour

Carey B - Kindness, Caring, Supportive, Loyal, Honest

Lisa G - Honest, Caring, Supportive, Fun, Kindness, Theatrical

Fiona T - Honest, Humour, Caring, Kindness, Fun, Family 

I know they say that if you have too many friends you are a friend to no-one, but I can honestly say that all these ladies listed above and more who I have not mentioned, are very important to me.  I absolutely value their friendship.  My life would have been so much less without these people in it. I am very grateful for the fun times, the tears, the support, the honesty and the opinions;  all shared with massive doses of laughter - not to mention copious glasses of wine!!

Robert, Karen, Carey and Colleen in Bali

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. – William Shakespeare

Kazza, Narelle Belle, Lisa G and Jess B

“If you have good friends, no matter how much life is sucking , they can make you laugh.” 

― P.C. Cast

Are you Doing, or are you Being?

I describe myself as a 'spiritually driven soul' which means that I love, Love, LOVE to read books about all things divine, all things that create a connection on a spiritual level, feeding my soul, giving me direction, teaching me and guiding me on this magnificent journey of life.

This morning while reading one of those food for the soul scripts, some words jumped off the page at me, posing a question begging to be answered..... Karen, are you still 'DOING' or are you 'BEING'?

The couple of lines that hit me in my solar plexus were:

"If everything I do each day is driven by passion and a zest for living, then I am being, but if my actions are a result of fear, then I'm in doing mode."*

Of course when this type of stop me in my tracks moment happens, I have learned not to dismiss them because oftentimes on reflection, I find that I am given insight into some areas of my life that I could change to make my life experience even better. I also recognise the things I already do which enhance my life, giving me the spiritual connection I so deeply desire.

For me, fear was a huge aspect in my life as a young girl, teenager and young mum.  I used to suffer panic attacks at a very young age, which then came back in my teen years and stayed with me until my late twenties.  Living with that type of anxiety makes you do a lot of doing!

Over the years I have been healed from many of those demons, but I would say even now there are still some residual fear based attitudes that I could let go of.  There continues to be moments of doing rather than being.  After today's little 'message for Karen' I will endeavour to change that!

As for the things I do each day that are driven by passion and a zest for living, I realise there are still dreams unfulfilled and it excites me to know that there are even more opportunities to further enhance my life experience.

Life is for living and enjoying. For me, it is also about growing, learning and loving. We don't need to DO anything to experience this, we just need to BE -  and as this author so beautifully puts it..... 'connect with the soul of our magnificence'.

*Dying to Be Me - Anita Moorjani

Stop Trying... Just Breathe and Be

I wrote this in my journal a while ago about  mindful breathing in meditation..

In my breathing I am aware that I am 'trying' too hard...  I need to let go of trying and just BE. 

Be Still

Be Aware

Be Strong

Be Healed

Be Loved

Be Blessed

Be Free

Be Surrendered

Be Joyous

Be Peaceful 

Be Serene

You can never run from  the true essence of yourself - you crave to be the real you, the spiritually centred, peaceful minded, serene, joyous, happy, secure, free person enjoying every moment of your life experience. To do this..  

Just Breathe and Be

This Heart Thing I Live With .....

In May of 2013 I had what I now know was not my first Atrial Fibrillation episode, but it was the first one that made me call 000 (911 or 999 for you overseas folks).  When admitted to hospital my heart rate was 190 beats per minute and was so irregular it felt like it was playing tig, dodging about inside my chest trying to avoid being caught - really the most horrendous feeling. It was the truly the scariest thing I have ever experienced and it absolutely threw my mortality in my face.  

Since then I have had a huge psychological battle; constant fear and anxiety of it happening to that intensity again, wondering what it means for my future, fear of exercising like I used to, always erring on the side of caution with regard to eating/drinking - just in case it might cause an episode. Fear of being alone with Caragh and having to deal with an episode.  I can see now that the symptoms I get are linked to my lovely mid life hormonal status and recognising that has reduced my anxiety a little.  However, the fact that I need to lose a lot of weight and have the added joy of a dodgy hip and knees due to Osteoarthritis (age doesn't come by herself!!), added to my 'despair' when I was first diagnosed.  I thought HOW am I going to lose weight if I cannot exercise like I used to?? and felt 'doomed' to a life of fear and limitation. 

The good thing is there are ways in which I can deal with all these issues.  It is all about how to handle Plan B.  I just have to sit down and work out what Plan B is.  That is what 2014 is all about!  

Remember what I have said before .... don't think you are getting away with over indulging in your young years, or think "it won't happen to me."Being overweight has an entirely detrimental effect on your health and well-being when in your middle years. Your body does NOT like being stressed by excess weight;  joints, muscles, heart, circulatory system, blood pressure, all scream STOP at some point.  

Stress also adds to atrial fibrillation and I would say that I have a lions share of stress in my life due to the circumstances of being a Carer to my disabled daughter and having to deal with all that entails on a day to day basis.  Thankfully now there are plans for solutions to this situation too, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel regarding that matter! 

Love yourself and live your life to the fullest with respect for your body and balance in all things that you enjoy.   

In an effort to let my family and friends know what it is like to be a person with AF, I have cut and paste the below information from a brilliant site called a-fib.com 

I hope it explains a few of my behaviours over the last 8 months and helps them to understand what I have been going through.  I also hope this post gives hope to others who suffer this condition.  

I am normally a very positive person and this situation pulled the rug out from beneath my feet. But I am still here, shouting loud and proud that in 2014 I intend to put into place Plan B and live a long life full of hope, health and fitness throughout my middle years.  There is a LOT of life, fun, travel, health and wellness out there for the taking and I intend to embrace it all with open arms :) xx

Information from a-fib.com: 

I hate to admit it, but I live in fear of my A-Fib. I never know when I’m going to get an A-Fib attack or how long it will last.  How do people deal with this constantly lurking fear?”

For some people A-Fib is just an annoyance. But for most, A-Fib can generate feelings of fear, anxiety, tension, depression that are as bad as or sometimes worse than the physical symptoms of A-Fib. For many people, the biggest problem of A-Fib is the fear it generates. Most people (including the author) remember vividly their first A-Fib attack, the feeling that “Something is really wrong with my heart. It’s trying to jump out of my chest!”—the rushing to the ER, the terror of a heart uncontrollably flip-flopping around in one’s chest.

MOST PEOPLE WITH A-FIB EXPERIENCE PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTRESS

As you start to learn to live with A-Fib, there’s the constant threat of an ever-possible A-Fib attack. There’s a sense of sickness, of something not right, of impending doom. a feeling of nauseous malaise. Before, you hardly noticed your heart. Now, it feels out of control, like there’s somebody throwing mini-bowling balls inside your heart. Some people are terrified to go to sleep, because that’s when they get A-Fib attacks. Most people with A-Fib experience psychological distress. It’s important for you to recognize that A-Fib has psychological and emotional effects as well as physical. Don’t be scared to admit how A-Fib makes you feel (especially if you’re a guy).

DON’T EXPECT MUCH HELP FROM YOUR A-FIB DOCTOR

Be aware that your heart doctor may not be of much help. They are often so focused on dealing with your physical symptoms and getting you cured that they often don’t recognize or acknowledge how A-Fib affects your psyche. And they aren’t trained or often have little effective experience in dealing with the psychological and emotional aspects of A-Fib. (I have yet to go to a conference on A-Fib where the emotional and psychological effects of A-Fib are even mentioned, let alone protocols discussed and developed to deal with them.) ^35a –

This is all the more surprising in that recent research indicates that “psychological distress” worsens A-Fib symptom severity. “Psychological well-being may strongly influence symptom severity…” ^35B [[35B]] Gehi AK at al. Psychopathology and symptoms of atrial fibrillation: implications for therapy. J Cardiovasc Electrophysiol. 2012 May;23(5):473-8. doi: 10.1111/j.1540-8167.2011.02264.x. Epub 2012 Mar 19. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22429764[[35b]]

SUGGESTIONS TO COPE WITH A-FIB FEAR AND ANXIETY

• Knowledge is power and control! The more you learn about A-Fib, the more you will develop an understanding of A-Fib and hopefully a sense of control. If you’ve read this far, you already know A-Fib can be relatively easily fixed (compared to other heart problems). Simply knowing you have options to get rid of A-Fib is a tremendous psychological relief. A-Fib is curable! You don’t have to live a life on meds and in fear. Once you know you’re on the road to a cure, this defeats fear and replaces it with hope!
  Though not everyone with A-Fib is cured, the odds are in your favor. You can either get rid of A-Fib (by far a better option), or learn to live with it. Either way you’re going to be OK. (You know that an episode of A-Fib usually isn’t life-threatening.)
• 
  
• Anxiety Thought Log. Confront your A-Fib fears directly. Don’t let them mill around in your subconscious where they can do more harm to your psyche. A recently cured A-Fib patient describes what he did. “I developed an “anxiety thoughts log,” making myself write down word-for-word what the anxious thought was, as well as noting the physical event that seemed to trigger it. By confronting my most extreme fears very explicitly (Is this a TIA or A-Fib? I’m afraid of a stroke, I might die or be disabled. I can’t contemplate a third ablation!), it became easier to re-state and contextualize them in a more reasonable frame of mind, thereby reducing my anxiety.” (Thanks to Anthony Bladon for this excellent, practical suggestion.)
• 
  
• Counseling and Meds. I’m not a fan of today’s anxiety medications. But perhaps something like Xanax (used for only a short time) may be what you need till you can get cured.
  Don’t be scared or ashamed to seek counseling. Recognize that you may need help and someone to talk to. (Sometimes significant others, family, friends, work colleagues, even your doctor may not understand what you’re going through, what living with A-Fib is like. It’s not like you’re bleeding or have a broken leg. You may look normal to them. You may hear things like, “What’s the big deal?!” or “It’s all in your mind.”)  (See Jay Teresi’s story “Anxiety the Greatest Challenge” and Kelly Teresi’s story “A Young Wife Copes with Husband’s A-Fib.”)
• 
  
• Pay Attention to How Your A-Fib Affects Others. It’s really easy when you have A-Fib to be a naval gazer, to be completely self-absorbed in your own illness. A lot of times A-Fib affects you so badly mentally that you become irritable, unable to think straight (probably because of reduced blood flow to your brain), forgetful, self-centered, tantrum-prone, unable to function at work, a pain in the a_s to live with. You may need to sit down with your significant others, friends, especially co-workers and explain to them what A-Fib is like, how it affects you, and ask them to be patient with you. (See Max Jusila’s story “A-Fib Was Devastating”)
• 
  
• A-Fib Support Volunteers. Would you be helped by talking with or emailing people who have been through the A-Fib ordeal? A list of A-Fib Support Volunteers is available at http://a-fib.com/A-FibSupportVolunteers.htm. Having someone you can turn to for advice, emotional support, and a sense of hope that you can be cured (or learn to live with A-Fib), may bring you peace of mind. It helps to have someone who has “been there” and is there for you. These volunteers have gone through a lot to be cured of A-Fib, and have been helped along the way. They want to return the favor by offering you support and hope.

♦♦♦

Last updated: Sunday, December 15, 2013

- See more at: http://a-fib.com/faqs-coping-with-your-atrial-fibrillation/#coping5